Refiner's Fire

Yesterday, Chris and I celebrated our 5th year wedding anniversary. As we were eating dinner, and talking about the last 5 years, I realized how God has used my marriage to change me. Once I decided to marry Chris, I quit my job, relocated, started a new job, purchased a new home, married, got a new dog, and then another new dog (RIP Buddy), had my first child, quit my job, and had my second child. No amount of premarital counseling could have prepared me for all the change that would take place, once I said, "I do."
I married a patient, kind, loving, hard working, God seeking, funny man. However, marriage has not been a cake walk for me. I have been on such a journey in marriage, even in the first 5 years. I told one of my friends, that once you get married, it's as if you are walking around wearing a huge mirror. For the first time ever, you see yourself the way your spouse sees you, and sometimes that is quite disturbing. You see how your selfishness and bad attitude looks in the eyes of someone else. You also see how it affects someone else. Someone you care so much about. If that doesn't help drive you to change, I'm not sure what will.
 In 5 years, God has taken the great qualities of my husband, and used them to help me become a better person. Through Chris, I have learned how to give people the 'benefit of the doubt.' I have learned how to give things time, and not be so reactive. I have learned how to be less dependant on other people's opinions, and more focused on what I think is right. In harder times, God has used Chris to teach me patience, unconditional love, and forgiveness. God has used marriage, to show me that I can't change myself, but if I lean on Him, I can change. Did you read that? God has used marriage to teach me how to lean on Him: over, and over, and over, and over, again. In almost every way, marriage is teaching me how to be more like Christ...in the way that I live, love, and serve. Cheers to the past 5 years and to a lifetime ahead. To God be the glory, great things he has done.

False Guilt

I am not exactly sure why I feel compelled to write about guilt. I haven't done anything specifically wrong...other than the normal screw ups of the day. However, for some reason I laid in bed last night thinking about guilt. It was one of those things that just popped in my head as I was reviewing the day, thinking about the documentary I had just finished watching on TV, and praying for people on my 'list.' Somewhere in all of that, I started thinking about how it feels to feel guilty. I was thinking about how people and circumstances have made me feel guilty in the past, and how guilt plays itself out in my current day to day life (especially as a mom...you moms out there totally know what I mean). As a mom we feel guilty about everything. Personally, I feel guilty if my kids don't get outside enough, if they have watched too much TV, if they had too much sugar, if I walked away from playing with them to fix dinner or sweep the floor, if dinner isn't made, if the house isn't clean..etc The list is endless. Guilt also shows up other ways. You know what I mean? When something you think is a good idea, blows up in your face. What is that sick feeling that results? Guilt. Or, when someone blames you for something that could or could not be your fault? Guilt. But last night, a new phrase popped in my head when I was thinking about this. The phrase, 'false guilt' came to mind. I suddenly became aware that there are 2 kinds of guilt. False guilt is the kind of guilt that makes you feel small...makes you feel hopeless...makes you feel ashamed of who you are. It makes you want to hide. For me, last night, I realized there is a distinction between this 'false guilt,' and a tugging of the Holy Spirit for change in our lives. This tugging occurs when we do things wrong, or need to change, so in a sense, it is like guilt. But it's different. It doesn't feel the same...does it? Seems like it's more of a conviction. There is hope in this kind of guilt. It's a drive for change. A drive to be better, do better, think better, and live better. It's not a sick feeling in the depths of your gut. It's a realization, call to action, and a weight lifted. THIS is the kind of guilt that we should welcome. From now on, as I am working to be the best wife and mother I can be, I will try be aware of the false guilt that persistently tries to creep into my day.

Leaves Fall...in the Fall.

A few days ago, the boys and I went on a walk to collect different types of leaves. I thought it would be fun to collect them, and glue them on a piece of paper. Both boys seemed to enjoy picking up leaves off the sidewalk, and putting them in their bag. I think they learned a lot on the walk. We tried to pick out different colors and sizes. We also picked up some pine cones, acorns, and sticks for a later project. All in all, the walk was the best part of this project. They seemed to laugh when I kept explaining that the leaves fall...in the Fall. I'm not sure what is so funny about that...but Mattox has always had a thing for alliteration and such. They also thought it was hilarious that we ran over dog poo; specifically, that I was so grossed out by it. When I used the word, 'grody,' it sent them into hysterics. That was definitely the highlight of the walk for them.

As far as the project was concerned,itt frustrated me a bit. Mattox kept trying to put glue on the leaves that had already been glued onto the paper. I noticed this on one of his projects he brought home from preschool the other day as well. I guess we need some practice with the glue. Ha.
Despite my frustration, I kept hearing a friend (former educator) saying, "It's not the final product....it's the process that's important." So, I tried to relax and let him do whatever he wanted with the glue. LOL

I put glue in a small dish and let them put it on the paper with paint brushes. I thought it may be a bit cleaner that way. I was surprised how quickly Sam picked up what we were doing.

After a few minutes, Sam decided to taste the glue. He only did that once.

Final product....but remember...it's the process that is important. :) 

Does it sink or float?

Today we had some time to kill, so we decided to do an experiment. Nothing big, but the boys LOVED it. We took a pitcher of water, found some random stuff around the house, and tried to guess if it would sink or float. I was surprised the boys had so much fun with this. I will probably do a bigger version of this outside before it gets too cold. I think it would be fun to find things outside and test them out.



Veggie Tales and Soccer Shots

I am sure there are many lessons I will continue to learn as a parent. Some of them are subtle, others scream at you. Last week, I heard a loud scream.

We all have an idea of how we want our children to behave. What we want them to like. What we want them to do. I first noticed this, when I was pregnant with Mattox. I remember shopping at a consignment sale for books, dvds, clothes, etc. I purchased 3 Veggie Tales DVDs that I thought he would totally enjoy. I was proud. I wasn't going to expose him to the junk on TV. He was going to love this cartoon that emphasized biblical principles and grow his character. During those tough moments, when I needed 30 mins of quiet, I could just cut this on...and life would be good. So I thought.

Mattox doesn't like Veggie Tales. He is 3 now, and I have tried to put those DVDs on various times over the past 3 years...to no avail. Veggie Tales has never kept his attention. Instead, it was Barney (God help us all), Thomas, Diego, and now Little Einsteins. Lesson: You can't always control what your kids like.

This lesson was reinforced last week. I had decided to sign Mattox up for something called Soccer Shots. It's an intro to soccer for 3-5 year olds. I thought it would be a good idea to expose him to the game. After signing him up, I told him we would go out to the soccer fields and practice a little bit. So, after nap time, we went to the park. It was a complete disaster. He kicked the ball 2 times and then wanted to go play on the bleachers. He wasn't the LEAST bit interested in kicking the soccer ball. I was so bummed. I had pictured Mattox trying to kick the ball past me as I played goalie. I had pictured me acting as if I couldn't stop the ball and yelling, "Goalllll" at him after he gave his best shot...and there we were. Sitting on the bleachers and watching the airplanes fly over us.

Finally, I talked Mattox into going to the baseball fields. He seemed more excited about that. We hopped back into the car and drove to the fields. I pulled up as close as I could to the field so I wouldn't have to carry Sam the entire way. I parked the car, got out, and heard an odd sound. There was a man on the other field. He was flying a remote controlled airplane. I have to admit, it was cool, and I knew Mattox was going to LOVE IT!. I got Mattox and Sam out of the car and pretended like the airplane wasn't flying over us. Of course both boys were ooooing and ahhhhing over it, so I finally gave up, grabbed 2 juice boxes out of the trunk, and took a seat to watch the man with the plane work his magic. This whole attempt to play ball with my boys was a hot mess. They weren't even close to being interested in ball, but Mattox was having the time of his life with this remote controlled airplane. Mattox sat there and soaked up every word the man said about how it works, and what does what....

Finally the man left and we made it on the baseball field. We ended up having fun running the bases and hitting the ball, but I knew the lesson God wanted me to learn that day. I heard Him say, "You couldn't make him like Veggie Tales, and you can't make him love ball. I have given him many gifts and talents that may or may not include athletics. How sad would it be if I called him to be one of the best pilots in the nation, and you didn't support that. You are accountable to Me....to help him grow up to be what I have called him to be....not what you want him to be."

Luckily Soccer Shots got canceled because not enough kids signed up. I can't say I was disappointed.  HaHa.

The Not So Creative Mom

I am what many would consider, a not so creative mom. I must confess...I haven't taken my kids to see Santa, we don't bake cookies, and we don't sit around and color. We read books, play with trucks, trains, and airplanes, and watch a lot of TV. Too much TV, probably. As I watch my children's respond to the ipad, I am excited to have a new tool to help educate my kids. However, the guilt sets in at night, when I realize how much time we have wasted in front of a screen. Compared to other homes, I probably do a decent job of regulating media time, but at the expense of a lot of gas and money being spent at places like Monkey Joes. None of these things are bad, but I do feel the need to play along side my kids in a more creative way. As I look at other blogs, I am a bit overwhelmed by the moms that seem to be so creative. I get on Pinterest, and feel very insecure about my inabilities as a creative thinker. I am just not made that way. However, I really would like to try some of the ideas I have read about with my kids. So far, I have only tried glow sticks in the bath tub, and they were a big hit. Very inexpensive...and fun to watch. Over the next few months...and hopefully years, I am going to try to incorporate some of these activities. I will probably blog about them, in hopes to inspire other moms out there that are, 'not so creative.' I marked my calendar for something new every week. Hopefully I will get to them all. However, I'm not going to stress if I don't. Attached are pictures of 2 sensory bins I put together. The 1st one was for Sam (my 1 year old). I thought I would try it on him 1st. The 2nd, for both of them after they wake up from their nap in about 5mins.

 

This is a plastic litter pan (brand new of course), with rice, construction magnets, noodles, and some spoons. Sam really liked this. I was impressed that he could pick up small pieces of rice on the floor and throw it back into the plan. All of this stuff, I had laying around the house.

 

This is the one I put together today I purchased a large bin from Walmart ($7) and a bag of rice ($4) and everything else I had from home. The construction trucks we have collected over time. The letters I am pretty sure I got from Target out of the dollar section. The poms just added a little texture and color...they are inexpensive too. Hopefully it's a hit.

 

The goal isn't to become Supermom. It's just to be the best mom we can be. That is a journey...and it takes time. Even as moms, we are constantly being...Woven and Spun.

 

Child of Mine

Dear Child of Mine,
I thought now would be a good time for me to introduce myself. My real name is Lauren, but you can call me Mama (at least, that's what my other 2 call me). I am not sure who you are yet, but I want you to know that I have been thinking a lot about you. Long before you were even born, God put YOU on my heart. He hasn't given me any other information about you. I don't know your past. I don't know where you are. I don't know what you look like. I'm not sure if you are a boy or a girl. I certainly don't know your name. Although I don't know much about you yet, I do know that God has brought you into my home. I know you are 'fearfully and wonderfully made in the likeness of Christ.' Everything else...well,we can discover later. Until then, let's just say you and I already have a lot in common. Let me go ahead and introduce you to the other members of your family. Your dad is named Christopher, but we call him Chris. He is a red head. There aren't that many of them around. He is laid back and gentle. He is totally trustworthy. He always tries to do the right thing. He is very talented and you will learn a lot from him. He will love you with all of his heart too. Just like me.
You have 2 brothers. Mattox is 3. He is working on sharing. Hopefully by the time you arrive, he will have that down. He loves trains, trucks, and about anything that has an engine. He is very sensitive and smart. He makes me laugh without trying, because he is also very serious. Sam is your other brother. He is only 1, but is very big boy. I am saving his hand-me-downs in case you want them. Sam is the comedian of the family. He takes after dad. He knows what he wants, and if he doesn't get it, you will hear a big screech. It's a bit ear piercing, but after a while, you should get used to it. He also likes transportation. He is learning so much right now, but know this; you are in for some good laughs with him as your brother.
I think you are coming to a pretty cool family. We aren't perfect or rich, but we have a lot to offer. We are all on this journey together...here to lean on each other, learn from each other, support each other, and uplift each other. The goal? To become all that Christ would want us to be. To serve Him. You see, just like you aren't going to be in your temporary home forever...we won't be here forever. There is a bigger picture. I don't want to get too deep too soon, but just remember that. The bigger/eternal picture.
We will have to keep our chins high on this journey. It will be LONG. Way tooo long. There will be setbacks. Honestly, it will probably be one of the hardest journey's dad and I will ever go on. But the good news is God has already walked it out. Step by step. So...when things seem to be going nowhere, and you feel stuck and alone..like no one cares about you. Remember that I do. Remember that I think of you often. Actually..more like constantly. In God's timing, you will help complete our family. Until then. Hugs, Kisses, Prayers, and all the love a mom can give. :)
Love,
Mom

Ps. This is a recent picture of us at the beach. Sorry you missed it. But no worries, many more to come.