Staying Engaged in the Process

                         Marriage is hard. Anyone who says that marriage is easy, is a liar.

       So far, in my marriage journey, there have been definite ups and downs. We have hit some pretty significant roadblocks, and have had to learn to work through them. We will likely continue to have our ups and downs, and will have to work through them again. and again. and again. 

       I want other people to know my marriage isn't perfect. Neither is my family. We are an institution, made up of 5 selfish sinners. We are broken people who want things our way. It is a daily struggle to say, "no" to ourselves and "yes" to God. It is hard to practice being the "least of these," in a culture that only esteems the first and best. It isn't easy to turn our eyes upward and live accountable to God only, as we are  tempted to look outward at what everyone else is doing. This journey that the Lord has before us, isn't easy. However, one thing I am learning, is that it's a process.

       A few years ago I went to counseling. (Yes we go to counseling. We feel a strong marriage is one of the single best gifts we can give our kids, and therefore should be one of the biggest places in which we invest. Having an objective person who is trained in this area is a great investment). Every time I would go, she would say the same thing…"it's a process." It was the most annoying thing ever! It seemed to be her go to line for me. Her answer for everything. I had never thought about love in this context before. I just thought that love should exist, and it should look the way I wanted it to. To me, love was more black and white than that. Not a process. That was a new concept for me. An important concept for me to understand and embrace. Did you know, the number one predictor of divorce, is how ENGAGED you stay with the PROCESS? So, in other words, Chris and I can get it ALL wrong, for a long period of time, but if we both stay engaged in the process of bettering our marriage, we have a really good shot at staying together forever. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that refreshing? Despite our failures at loving each other, the longevity of our marriage, is truly in our hands. 

       I am learning to not only embrace the process…but love it. I'm not going to lie. It is hard. Isn't it? It requires so much of us. Patience. Forgiveness. Constant communication. Time. Energy. Being intentional. Selflessness. Availability. Money. The list goes on and on. The process is where we have no choice but to allow do-over after do-over. In the process, there can never be enough mulligans. The process can be disappointing. It can be throw your head back, punch a wall, frustrating. However, the process is where God is at work. It is where He refines us, and we know from past experiences, that is never an easy place to be. However, it's where God teaches us TO LOVE the way Jesus loves. It is where we learn to meet each other where we are at, and go from there. It is where we learn to forgive and move on. It is where we learn to take our failures, disappointments, fear, anger, and hurt, all to the GOD OF ALL COMFORT.  It is where we learn to surrender. It is where we learn to lean into God for HIS strength to make it another day. It's where we see if God is who He says He is, and will do what He says He will do. It is where we see, if what we sing on Sunday, is true on Thursday. It is where we see if He is indeed, more than enough. The process is one test after the next. One opportunity to improve after the next. It is one chance to become a better listener, giver, friend, lover, leader, follower, prayer worrier, after the next. It is where we rejoice in the victories, and fight through the failures. It is where we decided if we will press on or check out. 

         I am on a journey as a Christian, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an in-law, and a friend. It's a process, and I am choosing to stay engaged.