Natural Born Quitter

Dear Boys,
       I wanted to write about what I have learned about quitting and persevering. I purchased this framed picture before I went to college. I liked the picture and figured I would need the reminder that God is good to follow through with all that He promises. I had no clue the challenges ahead of me, and how frequently I would fight the urge to quit when things got tough. What I have learned through my softball career, graduate school, sales career, and even now in marriage, is that there is a correlation between perseverance and God's faithfulness.
        As I look back at my softball career, I see how faithful God was to me. While playing my first 2 years at the University of NC at Wilmington, I realized that not everyone wanted me to succeed. My first year I had a coach who liked me, and then my second year, had a coach who absolutely hated me. During that year, there were so many times I wanted to quit. She made my life miserable. I was being mistreated by my coach, and everyone around her. At times, I felt so small. I felt like quitting, and I didn't care if I ever played another game in my life. However, I didn't, and God was faithful. I turned my career COMPLETELY over to Him. Where did he take me? From one of the worst teams in the nation to one of the best. Literally, overnight.  Sometimes God uses crummy circumstances to make us desperate enough to turn things COMPLETELY over to Him.
       Tennessee was no cake walk. I was actually in over my head. The girls I was competing with and against for a spot on the team were some of the best in the nation. I was physically pushed to my limits. I was second guessing myself, left and right. I worked hard, but I was unsure if I could cut it. Especially when I went 0 for my first 15 at bats. I knew God had brought me to Tennessee, but I just wasn't sure I could succeed. Again, I turned it over to Him. I said, "God, if you want me to succeed, I will give you the glory, and if I don't succeed, I pray I will handle it in a way that people can still see You in me." God enabled me to do what I couldn't do on my own, and I graduated with academic and softball honors. I didn't quit, and God was faithful.
       Grad school was tough. Corporate America was tough. Marriage is tough. Life is tough. As you go through life you WILL desire to quit. Remember, there is a time to walk away from some circumstances (not the same as quitting)....and there is a time to fight through some circumstances. One thing I have learned, regardless of my circumstance, is IF you decide to persevere, your circumstance may not change. BUT, you WILL see God keep his promises to you. God never promises that your life will be easy. He never promises a happy life. He doesn't promise that people will like you, you will be rich, you will be safe, healthy, or successful. He does promise pardon of sin and sanctification of his people. He promises help during temptation and trials. He also promises guidance and a life after this world. All along, never leaving our side.
       The benefit you get, through perseverance, is NOT an altered circumstance or outcome; although, sometimes your circumstance DOES change. You get to look back, after the storm is over, and see that God is good, and He does keep his promises. You get to SEE Christ. You get to see how He directed your path, changed your heart, and enabled you to do things you couldn't do on your own. If you quit, you miss out. You miss God using your crummy circumstance to show Himself to you in a real, tangible way. Sometimes you miss miracles that He does in your heart, and in the heart of others. I pray you boys learn that quitting isn't the answer. Learn to face "it," whatever "it" is, and learn to hand it over to the Lord, fight as hard as you can fight, for as long as you can, and persevere. There is always an end to the storm....during the storm, try to be the better man, practice giving it to God, and being patient. Remember, God will walk with you, He will use it to change you, and you will look back and see His faithfulness in it all.

Love you always and forever,
Mom
      
      
        
      

December 16, 2013

Dear Mattox,
       I want to take a minute and document what happened today. Today was a special day. Today, you invited Jesus into your heart. This is what happened.
       We woke up early, you didn't eat much breakfast, and off we went to swim. The day started out pretty typical. However, while riding in the car, you asked me a very interesting question. "Mom, is Jesus in my heart or is He in Heaven?" "Mattox," I said, "that is a very good question. God is everywhere, and Jesus can live in your heart, but you have to invite him there." You said, "I want Jesus to live in my heart." I answered, "Ok, well, when you pray to God, tell him that you know you don't do everything that is right, and you want Jesus to come into your life to help you do good, and that you want to spend forever with Him." You said, "Mom, I want YOU to say that prayer for me." I said, "Mattox, I can't say that prayer for you. You have to do that for yourself." I was expecting you to leave it at that....but you didn't. You said, "Ok, well, what's the first part again?" Mattox, today you told God that you know you aren't perfect. You told him that you want Jesus to live in your heart, forgive you, and spend forever with you. That is such a big deal!
       After swim, I reminded you that you will never have to ask Jesus into your heart again. Once you do it once, you don't have to do it again. If you are good or bad, it doesn't ever change the fact that Jesus is in your heart. Even if you did it at such an early age. I feel this is important, because I can PROMISE you the Devil will try to convince you otherwise. He will tell you at various points in your life, that you didn't have enough information, or that you were too young to make such a decision, or that you only did it because we raised you to believe that. I wanted to give you the truth. So, here it is.
       The truth is, none of us have all the information. Anyone who walks with the Lord will do so blindly AT TIMES in their life. God does not always tell us how things will work out before he directs us to walk in a particular direction. We rarely have the answers we need at the time we make our decision to obey Christ or not. Today, you knew in your little heart that you needed Christ and wanted Christ, and so you responded. I pray that today will not be the exception, but that when you feel a tug on your heart, that you always choose Christ.
       Are you old enough to make this decision? I would say Yes! Do you know how children are saved?......Answer: THE SAME WAY ADULTS ARE SAVED.
John 3:16-For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that WHOEVER believes in him, will not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 1:12-Yet to ALL who did receive him, to THOSE WHO BELIEVED IN HIS NAME, he gave the right to become children of God
Romans 10:9,10-If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart, one believes unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
2Peter 3:9-The Lord is not slow to keep his promise, as some would understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting ANYONE to perish, but EVERYONE to come to repentance.
Finally, Matthew 18:6 says "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."
       Mattox, we HAVE raised you to believe in Christ. No doubt about that. I want you to know the gift God offers, how to grow in Him, and how to live the life He wants for you. However, I do hope that there is a time in your life where you do question your faith. Where you do doubt and challenge God and his word. I know that may seem odd, but I believe too many Christians are scared to question things. Some of my greatest growth came from periods of doubt. I pray above all, that you seek TRUTH and you give God a fair shot at proving to you His love over and over again. He will. I pray you will ask Him hard questions that hold you back from jumping all in. Guess what, He can handle it. He can handle any scientific theory, study, or anything else that is causing you to question Him. Just remember this....Jesus NEVER engaged in a debate in order to win souls. He merely revealed who he was, and let people decide if they wanted to follow Him. That has not changed. He still shows up, and asks us to respond. 
I love you Mattox.
-Mom 

No Place Like Home

       Disappointment is inevitable. Several months ago I jumped on an emotional roller coaster called, "selling one's home." I haven't fully gotten off that roller coaster, but thought I would write a little blog about what I believe God has shown me through this process. This summer, my husband and I decided to put our house on the market. We wanted a home with an office and an extra bedroom. We were excited to find out, that while vacationing at the beach, after our home's first showing, we got an offer. We thought it was too good to be true. We were so excited. We had heard horror stories about people having to keep their home show ready for months before selling, and because I am not that dedicated to a perfect home, I knew that was going to be a tough task for me. I couldn't have been happier. I could not wait to go out with a realtor to look for our new home. I had my list of non-negotiables, and after a few days looking, I walked into an all brick home, on a culda sac, with a large bonus room in the back of the home. I was sold. We made an offer, they accepted. It was at the top of our price range, but the location was PERFECT, and I really wanted an all brick home on a culda sac. In the weeks following, we found out that our buyers wanted to terminate the offer. I was totally devastated. I had spent those weeks online looking at furniture, and getting all my decorating ideas in line. I had gotten ahead of myself, so when I got the news, I was totally bummed. I knew it was just a house, and I was trying to downplay how sad I actually was. After all, I knew I was lucky to even have the opportunity to be out looking for a new home. I tried to be thankful for the experience, and look at the bright side, but I knew that the house we found was a good one...for the money, location, and for our family.
       During that time, I ran across a song that I meditated on daily. It is by one of my favorite gospel singers, Fred Hammond. It's called," I'm in the midst of it all." My favorite lyrics in this song say this:

"I'm in the midst of it all...When your heart is breaking....please don't worry, I'm in the midst of it all."

"Trust in my word, don't let your heart be troubled, I need you to know that I am here."

"To know that your presence is all that I need, is more than enough to set my mind at ease, and when our hearts are overwhelmed, we'll look to the cross, and there we are reminded that you are here."

       This song reminded me that God can handle my disappointment. He knows how I feel, and he cares. He knew that wasn't the right home for us. We later found a home that we love more than that one, and it is at the lower end of our budget, which is great, because we underestimated how much it costs to move. We have the freedom to make this home OURS.....but know deep down that it is actually HIS. 

       I hope that when my kids run across disappointment in their lives, they give it to God. They meditate on His word that says, "cast your cares on the Lord, for he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7), and Romans 8:28 that says, "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I hope that when their heart feels overwhelmed, they will look to the cross, where God's love and power were perfectly combined to reassure us that he isn't blind to our desires or needs, but that he is indeed, in the midst of it all.

      

Hilton Head 2013

      I am very behind on my blogging, but when I started this blog, I vowed not to get caught up on a timeline, and I am sticking to it. However, I did want to document our annual beach trip with my family. For some reason the pictures are a bit blurry, but you will get the picture. This trip is so much fun and means so much to me because my grandparents get to spend the week with my kids. We also celebrate my grandfather and grandmother's birthdays while we are there. It's a week we love, but are always bummed out that Chris has to stay home and work, as it is his most demanding time of the year.
       During the week there are many funny things going on as you could imagine with a 4, 3, and 2 year old running around. This year we actually had a newborn as well. One night, while at Harbour Town, we were walking around the boats, when Mattox took off for the lower sidewalk that docked the boats. I said, "Mattox, no no...you can't go down on that sidewalk unless you have a boat." It wasn't but 2 minutes later and I heard Mattox tell a man and woman walking their dog, "No! You can't be down there unless you have a boat...guys!" The gentleman looked up at Mattox and said, "we do have a boat buddy. That one is ours right there." (as he pointed to the largest boat in the harbour) This man and his wife had sold their home and were traveling and living on their new boat. The boat looked larger than my home, and I just laughed and laughed that of all people, Mattox said that to them. What a funny kid. Here are some pics of the trip. Sorry they are a bit blurry.

Mattox worked really hard to bring water from the ocean to our sandcastles.

Sam really enjoyed PawPaw's new big boy shovel.

Sam was strolling the beach with his cool hat and sunglasses.

Aunt Michele and Nolan hanging in the shade.

I'm pretty sure my boys adore this man.

We swam every day, and really wore out the pool.

Grabby and her boys at Harbour Town.

We loved to watch the boats.

Paw Paw and my boys.

Maw Maw and her boys.

I love this lady!

       I can't believe this week has already come and gone. It is so much fun and seems to get easier with the boys each year. It's our last chance to enjoy the summer before SCHOOL STARTS!

First day of preschool 2013

Happy 4th Birthday Mattox

Mattox,
       We have had such an awesome 4 years. I never thought that God would give me such a unique, sweet, funny, train loving son. Oh how you love trains! I have had so much fun learning about trains with you. I never really paid attention to them until you became fixated on them, and now I am a bit obsessed with them too. Trains ARE really cool and I love that there is something that brings you so much joy.
       Over the past 4 years I have watched you grow so much. You continue to amaze me with how easy it is for you to LOVE. You continually hug, kiss, encourage, cheer, and embrace those around you. I love that about you. Often, you remind me how uplifting a kind word can be to someone by telling me that I am doing a good job at something mundane. It's odd, but it really does make me feel good. I know that will go away after you get a bit older, but for now, I will cherish all the kind words you offer me during the day.
       You did great at preschool this year. You loved your teachers and your best friends were Alex and Zoey, both very pretty girls. You also liked Sammy because he always played trains with you. You currently take gymnastics. You are getting better and better every month. About a week ago, you learned how to swim. You finally got the idea of coming up to take a breath, and going back under. Now you can swim the width of the pool. I am impressed!
      I feel like 4 is the perfect age. I joke with you all the time about staying little forever. You love to joke back and say, "NO! It's just NOT going to happen. I will NOT stay little forever...NO WAY!" Mattox, you will never know the love I have for you. I can't put into words how amazing it is to be a mom to such an awesome kid. I pray that you will come to know God at an early age, and be bold in His ways. I pray that you will learn to submit yourself to Him and resist the devil. I pray that you will learn to live daily in His grace. I pray that dad and I can be good role models for you. That we will be clear in teaching your right and wrong, and that we will model how to love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, and minds.
       Happy Birthday sweet sweet boy. I am SO VERY PROUD of you, and feel so blessed the Lord gave us to each other. 

Handsome little guy.

Rocking the baseball hat.

I love this picture. This green train goes everywhere with Mattox.

Father's Day 2013

       I will never forget a conversation I had with a girl after one of my psychology classes in college. During class we covered the important roles parent's play and discussed several controversial subjects. As usual, I spoke bluntly about my beliefs on those subjects, most of which were not popular at all. After class, a one of my class mates thanked me for putting myself out there. We started talking and she shared with me that she always wanted to be an attorney, but she never had the confidence to take law classes. She shared with me that her dad told her, the only way she would win a case, was if someone got sick of hearing her talk so much, and just gave up. I could tell that comment her dad made had crushed her. I felt so bad for her...
       Another time, I was in Indiana training for my new job with Eli Lilly. On the way home, all of my collegues rode on the bus to the airport. I was listening to a weeks worth of messages, when I got ANOTHER call from my dad. (He calls me all the time) Again, he just wanted to tell me how proud he was of me, and that he just wanted to let me know how much he loves me. For some reason, I had it playing quietly on speaker phone and my friend, Chris, heard it. Chris came from an EXTREMELY wealthy family, who sent him to private boarding school his whole life, and only really saw him when they went on extravagant vacations together as a family. He didn't really need to work, but he was trying to keep himself busy and become his own man. He asked me to play the message again. I just laughed it off and said, "my dad calls me all the time like this...he is crazy." Chris said, "OMG, I am not sure what I would do if I ever heard my dad say he was proud of me and loved me. I seriously wouldn't know how to act."
       I don't take my dad for granted. He isn't perfect, that's for sure. I get annoyed at how impatient he is and his lack of healthy lifestyle, but at the end of the day, I am 100% confident in his love for me. I feel like my dad has been such a good role model for me. He is strong, but isn't too proud to show when he is struggling. He has always been very transparent and upfront with our family when times were good and not as good. He was honest and never said he was going to do one thing, and then did something else. He is dependable. He is someone I could always count on as a kid...and even now. He is encouraging
. When I doubted myself as an athlete, he gave me what I needed to keep going. He and my mom were fair. They gave me a LOT as a kid, but also expected me to appreciate it, and I did.
       I believe a my dad made it easy for me to follow my desire to give my life to my heavenly Father. If I can depend on a not perfect Earthly father, how much more can I depend on my perfect Father above? I made that connection at an early age and I hope my dad gets some credit for that in heaven. I am truly lucky to have a dad that taught me how to pray and took us to church every Sunday (of course my mom gets credit for this too). I am lucky to have a dad that always taught me I could become whatever I want, even a professional football player. I actually asked him if I could become that when I was little...and he said I could, but I would probably have to be a kicker. LOL I am lucky to have a dad who never tore down my dreams, no matter how crazy they sounded at the time. My dad has always been my biggest cheerleader, and going through this life, it's not bad to have someone like him in your corner. I am so lucky. I love you dad. Thanks for being my rock and for being such an awesome pawpaw to my boys! Happy Father's Day!

...and then he turned 2.

 Sam,
      I can't believe we just celebrated your 2nd birthday. This year we have had so much fun together. I can't believe how much joy you have brought into my life. You are one very special little boy. I feel like this year I have really gotten to know your personality. We finally got tubes in your ears, so you have been much healthier this year and overall, much happier. You are so different than Mattox. I never would have thought that I would have two boys with such different personalities. I am blessed because you both bring so much to the table. In some ways, you are more easy going than Mattox. I can take you anywhere and you seem to be happy. However, you know exactly what you want, and if you don't get it....watch out. You are constantly on the move. You will sit and watch a tv show and read a book with me, but you are always going from one activity to the next. You are into everything! You are very good at watching what is going on and then trying to do it for yourself. You are a determined little boy. I love that about you. I also love how you make me laugh. You make me laugh SO hard. You are always being silly and you constantly remind me to lighten up and have a good time. Your smile is so amazing. It lights up a room. You also make this smile when you get a little shy that is SO ADORABLE. Everyone loves it. Sometimes when we are in the car I say, "Sam, look at me." You will look in my rear view mirror and I say, "I love you." You immediately do your shy smile and look up and out the window. I love when you do that. I wouldn't say you are shy, but you are very selective when it comes to whom you will pay attention. For example, when we are at the grocery store, women always come try to talk to you, but you usually give them a nasty look. However, there is a preschool teacher that we pass every morning on the way to Mattox's class. We don't know her, but you stop every day to say hi. You picked her out of a crowded hallway and have said hi to her every day since. Also, while at Dollywood, you grabbed an old man's hand and pulled him around for a while. Again, we had no clue who he was, but you really liked him for some reason.
        You are just starting to talk. You have been right on target, and even ahead for most of your development, with the exception of talking. I was starting to get worried you weren't going to talk, because all you did was point and grunt. Over the past few weeks you have really come along. You are putting several words together. It is so cute to hear you talk because your voice is so high and you are so big. Your laugh is also really high and is one of the funniest laughs I have ever heard.
      Sam, you are smart, funny, handsome, and very very cool. I can't express into words the love I have for you. You own my heart. I am so thankful for the past 2 years. Thanks for all the laughter you have given me, and all the lessons you have taught me. I love you more than you will EVER KNOW. Happy Birthday!
 Love, Mom

Sam dressed for Halloween

Mr. Blue Eyes

Snack Time

All business.

Growing up quickly.