Sovereign

       Earlier this year, my sister in law told me about a pastor in Wilmington that always comes up with a word for the year, and then evaluates how that word changes in his heart and mind from the beginning of the year to the end. I thought this was a clever idea and something I might try to implement. I would think of a trait that I would like to embrace more frequently in my personality, and keep it at the forefront of my mind all year. Maybe by the end of the year I will embody this trait easier than if I had not taken on this mental exercise. Well, as you can imagine, similar to most new year commitments, it only lasted a few weeks. My word was "lighthearted." "Free from anxiety or seriousness" as the dictionary reads. Maybe if I just focused on being more lighthearted, my anxiety will decrease and I won't take life so seriously. Well, it didn't work. In fact, this year has been exceptionally challenging. I don't even watch the news, yet I hear and read about horrible things all around the world. This world is so broken and evil is lurking at every corner. Girls are being kidnapped and sold into slavery. Africans are dying because of ebola. Americans are being beheaded. Children are being bused across boarders. Childhood cancer is increasing. The list goes on and on. How can you be lighthearted in this crazy world?
       "Lighthearted"has not been the world for me this year, but there has been a word that I have felt an ongoing nudge to explore. This word has questioned the way I live, asking, "Lauren, for whom are you living?" It has questioned what I believe, asking, "Lauren, who is in charge?" It has prompted hard discussions and life changing steps of faith, asking, "Lauren, do you trust me with your family? Your boys?" It has challenged my heart and changed my world view. The word is "Sovereign." This year, I have heard God challenging, "Lauren…I am either in control or I am not. I either keep my word or I don't. I am either on the throne or I am not….If you believe I am in control, then act like it and stop competing for control. If you believe I keep my promises, then live like it, and trust that which you can not see. If you believe I am on the throne, then stop all your worrying." I don't think it was ever God's intention for me to become more lighthearted, but rather, to come to the understanding that HE is in charge. It is HIS job to deal with all the chaos and it is my job to live out His word. It is His job to rule, and my job to follow his commands. Even if they are scary. Even if they are risky. Even if they put other's needs first and I get nothing in return. Ironically, lightheartedness and sovereignty go hand in hand on this journey. When we wrap our minds around God's sovereignty, we know that as Chris Tomlin says in his song, we can trust him.

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God, whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

God, whatever comes my way
I will trust you