Omniscience

Several months ago, Chris and I started looking into the adoption process. We aren't sure if this is something we will ultimately do, but we are both open to the idea of God using adoption to expand our family. As I started to read about different agencies/countries, I began to run across several articles regarding the day to day life that many orphans endure (especially abroad). My heart began to break. I have always been someone who carries the weight of the world on my shoulders, but it seems that becoming a mom has intensified this; especially as it relates to orphans, child abuse, or any type of injustice towards kids.
There were articles I read, that literally made me cry. I began to wonder, the age old question, "how can God allow these terrible things to happen to these children." After all, I don't have a face, or even a name, to go with these children I am reading about. On the contrary, God spoke life into them. He created them. He knows their faces, their names, their desires, their needs, their pain, and their neglect. If I know none of this, and yet, still cry over their circumstances, to what degree does this break God's heart? Why doesn't he intervene....EVERY TIME? How can He allow babies to endure hardship that they didn't choose and they can't control? What does this say about His goodness?

In time, I began to doubt God's goodness.

This is ironic, because I know in my life, God has been very good. I have an amazing husband, and 2 beautiful boys. I have everything I want and need. I have food to eat and a nice home. I mean, I get to take a bath every night in a bath full of hot, clean, water. Why would I ever doubt God's goodness.
But I have...and it became very difficult to stand in church and sing, "how great is our God...sing with me, how is our God..." In the back of my head, the details of what I read made it difficult for me to sing these words and mean it. I began to lose the desire to fellowship with God. As my mind bought into the idea, that God's lack of intervention reflects poorly on His character, I started slipping in my walk with Him.

However, it's amazing how He always sends us reassurance in the times when we CHOOSE to neglect our relationship with Him.

One afternoon, after Chris came home from work, I decided to take Summer (our dog) for a walk. I never do this. I know this is healthy, and I should do it more often, but I don't. This afternoon however, I actually dusted off her leash and headed out the door. The sun was starting to go down. The sky, and everything around me, was starting to get darker. As I was walking, and processing this idea of God's goodness, I heard a noise. I looked to my left, in the woods, and saw an owl fly from the ground, to a branch on a tree, a few feet away. I stopped and stared. I had never seen an owl in real life. Maybe I did at a bird rescue when I was 9 or 10, but not out in the open, in real life. It just stared at me, and I stared at it. It sat there for probably 20 seconds, but it felt like at least a minute....then flew away. I started to walk away when I heard in my head, "Lauren, owls are symbols of wisdom...but I know ALL things. Would it make sense for you to explain the complexity of this world to your 3 year old? No. His little brain won't be able to comprehend. I created this world, and I know how it works. If I tried to explain it to you, you still wouldn't understand."

I walked away realizing that what I was seeking, was not really all the answers. Rather, reassurance that God doesn't ignore our circumstances. He does care for us. He never leaves us, even when we doubt Him. Additionally, I was reminded that this Earth is not our final destination. It's also not the final destination for those who endure hardship that is unfathomable.

I still think of that walk I took on a regular basis. As my eyes are opened to the cruel injustice of this world, it makes it easier for me to stand in church and sing, "turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful grace, and the things of Earth (both good and bad) will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

Turning Lemons into Lemonade.

The7 mile mud run in PA was bitter sweet. I arrived in PA around 8pm the night before the race. We had a few places to go before driving up the mountain to Seven Springs. As soon as I got in the car, I realized something was off. My friend and her coworker were acting a little too close for comfort. It wasn't long before I realized I had been brought along on this trip, as simply a cover up for their affairs. I won't go into the details of the trip regarding this matter. All I have to say, is on this trip, I was reminded of the selfish nature that resides in each of us apart from God.

The race on the other hand was AMAZING. We woke up Saturday morning with a chill in the air. I was a bit worried that I would be cold, but my main concern was getting my hair braided. The last thing I wanted was sticky, muddy, nasty hair, while I was trying to make it through 7 hilly miles. All I can say, is the weather was perfect. The water was very chilly, which was very refreshing. The race couldn't have gone better.

You know those moments when you react in a way that makes you stop and think, "2 years ago I wouldn't have reacted this way." You know, those times when you recognize that you have actually matured? This weekend, I was very proud of myself. I was go with the flow, in a very compromising environment, and definitely turned lemons into lemonade.